I’ve been having this disturbing feeling for the past few weeks.  I’m forgetting something.  I don’t know what I’m forgetting, but I have that unsettling feeling that I have forgotten something important… or worse yet, several important somethings.  If you know what it is I’m forgetting, please let me know!

I am craving Ethiopian food.  I can cook it, but I want a restaurant to do it for me.  An authentic Ethiopian meal.    A year ago we lived 10 minutes from one.  Now, the closest is Cleveland, Pittsburgh, or Rochester (all 3-4 hours from us).  Maybe when I travel to Cincinnati in August I can track one down to eat in. 

We are rather lost at the moment.  Don’t know where to go, or what we are supposed to be doing.  Does anyone have a map we can follow?  

For those of you who don’t know him, Noreaster is one of my favorite blog-world people. In the video he created with his good friend, Chris, “The Church of Misfits: Official Interview” , he discussed his one flaw… carving a turkey. I would help him, but I’m just as bad as he is at carving poultry! So I found something to help him out. Here is the official tutorial on carving a turkey. Seriously. And if you have this problem in your life, join us in our quest to gain Turkey carving knowledge!

This song is amazing. The first video is the song being performed, and you’ll notice the oxygen the artist is wearing as he sings. The second video tells the story behind the song. The words are at the end of the post.

Hillsong This Is Our God

Song : Healer

Words & Music: Mike Guglielmucci

Verse1
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You

Chorus
I believe You’re my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my Portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus You’re all I need

Bridge
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

This tag is going around the blogsphere. Tam put it on her site, but just invited people to join in (rather than tagging them). So I’m joining in.

10 Years Ago I Was…

• 27 years old
• Married for 3 years, teaching 4th grade after 3 years as a special ed teacher
• Pregnant with my first child. (MJ, my son, is now 9 and has 3 sisters, and I’m a stay-at-home mommy)
• Living in our first little house (where I tried to plant my first flower garden and put all the bulbs in up-side down. UGH)
• Driving a Chevy Cavalier (now with 4 kids it is a mini-van, although I will always miss my Chevy Beretta : the first car I bought on my own)
• We had a little mutt named Timmy that was our baby (until the first baby came… what a shock for him it was!)

5 Things To Do Today (since the day is nearly over, I’ll let you know what I did do)

• Bought paint at Lowe’s for my basement walls
• Spent some time with my mom
• Blogged
• Drank coffee (ahhhh)
• Assured my children that VBS and swimming lessons start tomorrow and they will not be as bored this week

Snacks I Enjoy

• Coffee
• Coffee
• Did I mention coffee?
• Almond Pound Cake

Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire

• Buy stuff.
• Fix up our house
• Travel a lot
• Try and help in Ethiopia (my oldest daughter’s homeland)
• Help other people adopt
• Hire a maid (this should be number 1)

Places I Have Lived

• Pennsylvania (various towns in NW PA)
• North Carolina (Cary)
• And now, PA again. 

Countries I Have Visited (I added this one, since I like to see where people have been)

• Ethiopia
• Canada
• Mexico
• Switzerland
• Austria
• Italy
• Luxembourg
• France
• Germany
• Iceland (well, the airport)

Please join in (either here or on your site) and don’t forget to send a link so we can visit and learn more about you!!!

Look what Michelle made me! Michelle’s blog is one I visit regularly. She always glorifies Jesus in her posts, and she is beautiful inside and out. She wrote this to me…

Good morning, Heidi. I just wanted to drop this off:

The artist in me won’t let me keep from drawing. Every time I see your avatar pop up on my site I have the desire to try to capture your eyes…they’re beautiful. So, it’s not with a real medium, but the challenge was fun. Hope you like it.

Isn’t she so sweet??!!?

You all should try out the Mr. Picassohead site. It is a lot of fun.

Jeff wrote a great post about regrets (read it here) that is resonating in my mind. Do you have regrets? Of course you do. I do. I have made some big mistakes in my lifetime. Most of them are my own fault. Some of the regrets are because I allowed other people to decide things for me (still my own fault). Several regrets are because in hindsight, I think I should have taken a different path (then again, perhaps not). A few regrets stem back to someone else’s poor choices, but this post is not about forgiving others, but rather dealing with my own sin. To be honest, some of the greatest regrets involve a loss of relationship.

What do we do with these regrets? We know absolutely that there is ‘No Condemnation” for those who are in Christ Jesus. But what does that mean for me? Does it mean I hold no responsibility for my actions? No. I still live with the consequences of my behavior. In fact, where it has involved others, they too carry the consequences for my behavior. That is a sobering thought. I’m not the only one involved.

So who condemns us? Romans 8 makes it clear that Jesus doesn’t condemn us. In fact, he is interceding for us! That is quite a thought! We condemn ourselves… others condemn us… we condemn others… the accuser of the brethren condemns us… but Jesus is interceding for us. Wow.

So what do we do with all the condemnation that we are NOT supposed to be carrying? Some people are really good at not carrying it. I’ve always struggled a bit to let go of it.

Since some of my sin has had an effect on others, I confess it to my Father, and receive forgiveness, absolutely! But there are still people who have been hurt by my actions. Where I’m able, I can confess and repent to the people I’ve injured. And I have. But there are areas where I cannot go back and ask for forgiveness from someone. So one thing I can do is confess to another person. I know that in the Protestant/Evangelical circles, we don’t believe there needs to be a mediator between God and ourselves. True. We can go to to the Father through Jesus with everything directly. But there is a scripture that talks about confessing our sins to one another (James 5:16). There is something healing in that. Chad talked about it in a post he wrote about condemnation (read it here).

But after all has been said and done, and we have confessed and repented… we have allowed ourselves to be humble and ask for forgiveness and restoration of damaged relationships… there must come a point at which we forgive ourselves and let it go. Ouch. Is this the hardest part? It is for me. To let go of the self-condemnation and move forward, receiving the grace God has offered us. How do we accept the fact that some things will not be made right by us? That God will redeem it, but we cannot fix it. We do all we can, but some choices and mistakes are beyond our own fixing. Some things have consequences that follow us through our life.

I wish I could go back to a few points in my life and do it again. I would do things so much differently. But I don’t get that option. The only option left to me is to LET GO of what is behind, and press on…

If we can truly get a handle on grace… if we could see ourselves (and others) the way that God sees us… then we can get back up and try again. We can build again. We can try again, this time on a foundation that is solid. We will always make mistakes (say or do the wrong thing at times)…. but it is how we handle them that truly defines our heart and motives, and shows what we really believe.

Don’t misunderstand me… I’m not talking about works. I’m not saying that grace is earned! I’m talking about restoring relationships, and at times there is a bit of work involved in that. I’m talking about learning how to let go of the condemnation and move forward in Christ.

I found this song on Chad’s site. I added the lyrics because I had to read them after listening. The song uses the word whore, so if this is offensive to you, please don’t listen.

Derek Webb (CD Title: She Must & Shall Go Free)

Wedding Dress

Lyrics: If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need
or is there more I’m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I?m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

You can learn the story behind the song here.
listen to podcast 12.

I have nothing to say today, and yet I’m going to write a post anyway.

There are always thoughts running around like wild horses in my head. Like… hmmm… OK, there are always thoughts, UNTIL I sit down to write a post about them, and they all run away, leaving me blank.

(having a Homer Simpson moment… doh!)

Anyone have any thoughts they want to share?

Have you ever said (or written) something in the heat of emotion that you’ve regretted?  Have you ever burned a bridge unintentionally because your reaction in the moment was emotional and then been unable to find a way back across?  When rational thought and calm emotions return do you discover it is too late and the damage has been done?  Or are people eager to show grace, and willing to forgive?

We are in the midst of an emotional season right now.  My reactions have not all been perfect.  Will I find that bridges are burned?  I don’t know, but I suspect they are, given the total lack of communication in response to my attempts at contact.    Right now I don’t even have the energy to expend to try and fix anything.  My focus is on my family, and on getting through this time in our lives.

Will there be judgement or grace?  So far, only the judgement rings out in the silence.

We feel God is steering our family in a new direction.  If we go in that direction, someday it may be me who will have that choice in similar situations.  Grace or judgement.  I pray I learn this lesson well, and prepare my heart to show grace.

I thought I’d point you to some of my favorite blog authors.  These are just a few of the people I visit on the net.

• Aaroneous should have been a writer on Seinfeld.   Check out his 2 posts on “courtesy washing”.  Part 1.  Part 2.

• Jeff, at Losing My Religion: Re-Thinking Church, is one of my favorite blog writers.  He mentions here that many of his friends are on vacation now, so he could use some company.  :)   

• Tam posted a great list of insults.  Check out her post “When Insults Had Class“  If you are looking for an authentic group of people to ‘hang out with’ on-line, Tam’s place, InProgress, is where you need to go.

• Mike at Simply a Night Owl is authentic, and  gives us a peek into his life.

• Jeromy, at A Mending Shift, writes today about how people are giving less to churches.  He and his wife just had a new baby girl!

There are so many more, but kids are demanding my time…. so I’ll have to plan to do this again soon.

Love you all!

~Heidi

I’ve never been good at grieving. In fact, I’m downright bad at it. I’ve never really done it the right way. I have had to cry for people years later (or never) because I have stuffed it all way down deep inside. At times I’ve cried for another reason… when I was 13, a family close to us lost a 3 year old boy to Leukemia. I finally cried because they were moving away, but never for the deep grief of losing the little guy.

I know this isn’t right. I’m trying to do it the right way this time. Perhaps because this is so near and dear to me, I find myself bursting into tears at strange times. I am someone who has gone years between tears, so it is strange for me to be so emotional.

I’m singing at my dad’s memorial service tomorrow. I’m not sure it is right, because I will have to detach from the grief in order to sing. But at the same time, I know he would love to have me sing. If I can figure out how to put the songs on here, I will (unless I lose it and cannot sing, which is entirely possible). We chose songs that meant something to my dad. Memories of him worshiping to these songs are precious and poignant.

He would love the service, because every step of the way we are deliberately honoring Christ. We are also honoring Dad. His life, and the legacy he leaves behind as one who loved Jesus with all of his heart, and who continually pointed people towards Jesus, and a life of freedom.

I find this season to be a bit strange. I’m offended by things I would never normally be offended by. I’m angry at times. I’m tearful and sad. Depressed. Withdrawn. Tired. But when I look into the emotions, I find that it all goes back to the root called “grief.” I hope that people can forgive me for my reactions right now. And what a lesson it is for me. I’m hoping I’ll be able to show grace towards people who are grieving in ways that I wasn’t able to before.

It is 70 degrees out and sunny.  It isn’t humid.  What an absolutely beautiful day God has created.  :)  The kids are outside catching butterflies, and pretend ‘cooking’ with green apples they are pulling off of the trees.  My sister is still here with her 3 boys, and it is so much fun to see them playing together.  We sure will miss the kids when they go home next week!

This is the day that the Lord has made, and I will be glad and rejoice in it!!!

I promised a post about something that happened yesterday here. I wrote something a few weeks ago on this subject called snakes and mice, oh my! The drama continues…

Yesterday I was at my mom’s (next door) talking with some visitors, and planning funeral things when I got the urgent call from my husband… “come quickly… there is ANOTHER snake in my office!”

I’ll let him tell the story (below)….

(Guest Blogger for the day, Steve, my husband)
The excitement for the day was the 2nd SNAKE in my flippin’ office in less than a month. Yeah… the first one freaked me out so bad I called a wildlife dude from Erie (an hour away) to come get it out. I missed half a day of work with it shut in my office and towels shoved in the crack under the door to keep it contained. When he came he couldn’t find it, and put down a glue trap and some lure to catch it ( I was not impressed). When he turned around and came out of the office it was just lying on the floor so he caught it and took it (and $140) away to release it in the wild somewhere in Erie county. It was a corn snake, which they say is pretty docile and harmless, but we all know Wikipedia lies (actually, the man didn’t know what he was talking about… picture of our snake at the end clearly shows a milksnake), so I refer to it by it’s more common name “ninja serpant of death“!

That was snake #1.

Today I saw snake #2, in my office once again, and since I had moved a freezer out of here yesterday the door isn’t even on the hinges to trap the damn thing. So I put a window screen across the door because we all know 2 ounces of thin metal mesh will stop even the deadliest ninja serpant. That is of course unless it is a jumping cobra which I thought entirely possible. So this time we didn’t call Mr. snake hugger relocation dude. I held a sponge mop on its neck (this is Heidi, notice how HE takes the credit for the sponge mop that I trapped it under until I had to call the snake wrestler) so it couldn’t get away and Heid called Jed who lives up the street. Jed is a great guy and luckily not afraid of snakes. I know this because he killed one on my step a couple of days after snake #1 was sent off to his life of luxury. So Jed comes down and I’ve got ahold of the mop and my arms are killing me from pushing down so hard on it (and I’m still on the other side of the screen of course leaning into the room), and he gets in the steel cage wth it and is like “hmmm, that’s a big one.” “Hmmm.” So I says “I’ve got a flat nose shovel in the back we could use.” “Oh that would be great” he says,” and kids should probably leave as this is going to probably get all PG-13 in a minute”. So I get the shovel, the snake gets out from under the mop and Jed whacks him, but unfortunately it was not a fatal blow. Luckily he has some nice work boots on and a boot to the head finishes off unlucky snake #2.

So I dropped about another $100 on 2 different knds of snake traps and a machette to keep in my office. I asked Heidi for the wire mesh bite proof chaps for Christmas. Turns out wire mesh is pretty effective against rabid serpants.

This is Heidi again. Just to complete the drama… here is Steve’s Christmas list (for Christmas in JULY, he says). He wants one of everything….

I found a picture of our snakes. It is called an Eastern Milksnake. Or so they say…..

My father passed away early this morning. We love him, and will miss him greatly. We know he is with Jesus, and no longer has to walk with a cane. He is dancing, jumping, and worshiping God. No more sickness or sadness will mar his days. And while we will miss him here, we know we will see him again someday.

Loving Daughter,

Heidi

I’m on my way to be with my mom and sister at the hospital.