We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. -Tom Stoppard
A friend of mine posted this on her blog, and I was intrigued by it. How many things in our past are just memories of painful times where we burned a bridge. Are all bridges to be burned? I guess not, but sometimes it is far easier to burn them rather than mend them.
I remember a dream of sorts I had some years ago after leaving a situation in which I had been very hurt. I staggered and crawled across a swinging bridge… desperate for safety and peace. Desperate to find a place to lay down and heal… or to die. When I reached the other side, and with a grim determination, I turned to light the bridge on fire. The Lord stopped me, with the reminder that one day I may want to cross it again… or even help other people needing to find the way across it.
There are things we want to leave behind permanently. And even scripture tells us to keep the past behind us. I understand that. I prefer that! But scripture also tells us about reconciliation… times when we do revisit the past with a brother or sister in order to be healed from it, and for our relationships to be made whole and strong once again. (I’ll post some scriptures at the end.)
When we burn a bridge (usually out of self-preservation) we also have the potiential of never finding the road to reconciliation. I’m not saying never to burn bridges… there are the wolves, after all… But it is important to have the discernment on when to burn, and when to leave the bridge intact… or even to improve upon it.
There are many times when I want to reject another person because I fear being hurt, or I dislike the “stuff” I see in their lives. Or, in my life, the very fear of being rejected causes me to run and hide… to push someone away. Perhaps this is the very time I must press into the relationship and see bridges strengthened, rather than destroyed. Maybe they will burn the bridge themselves… but as far as it is left up to me, unless the relationship is extremely damaging and needs cut off, I want to see relationships mended and built up rather than destroyed.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23 (NIV)
15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV)
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
One of my favorite scriptures about relationships is Ecclesiastes 4: 8-12
8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
“and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Let us use discernment in our relationships… asking the Lord to show us which bridges need to be mended, and which need to be burned, before we rashly burn something that was never intended to be destroyed.
Blessings,
Heidi
