trust issues

April 13, 2009 at 12:51 pm | In church dropouts, journaling | 35 Comments

I’ve made a discovery over the past few days.  I have no trust left in people.  I’ve always had a hard time trusting, but right now I’ve got none for almost anyone.

I was thinking about going to church sometime, and I nearly panicked.   The thought of pasting on the smile, and acting the part, greeting acquaintances, and never really getting to know anyone just didn’t sound like my idea of fun.  I would love to go worship, and hear a message, but I can do that at home… right here at my computer.  I want the fellowship, but I’m not certain a church building is the place I’m going to get that.

Weird, huh?

Or is it?

If you go outside in your bare feet, and keep getting stung by bees, I suppose you would stop that behavior and begin wearing shoes.  If you pushed a fork into an electrical outlet, and were shocked, I suppose (unless you like being electrocuted) you would change your behavior.  If church becomes a place of misery that one goes to out of a sense of duty, should one continue going?  I don’t know anymore.

What is the old quote about insanity?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.      ~Albert Einstein

So I guess I need to work through some of the ‘trust’ issues with God , and see where I stand then.  After all, I don’t want to end up on the floor in the lobby of some church in the fetal position, crying for my mommy…  :shock:
But the upside… this did prompt a long talk with God.  :)    I’m sure he has a plan in mind…. I just have to wait for him to share it with me.

Sometimes Love Is “No.”

December 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm | In Church, church dropouts, clb, depression, friendship, marriage, spiritual abuse | 11 Comments
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Molly wrote an amazing post called “Letters to an Abused Soul: When Love Is “No.” Here is an excerpt.

In fact, what do you do when you realize you’ve been conned, regularly, repeatedly, by someone who is literally a mastermind at manipulating? When years of your life were spent being lied to, being twisted, being played? When you thought you were giving your all to something that was living and good, and really your energies and your love and your spirit were being sucked down into a black hole that would never be satisfied, that could never get enough, that would always want more until it finally sucked out the last bit of life you had.

And when, because of your own warped view of what it means to be loving and gracious—perhaps even a view that would be perfectly healthy if you were dealing with a healthy spouse or a healthy church or a healthy friend—you knew that something was wrong, something didn’t feel right, yet, because you thought that love never stopped giving, you let it happen again, and then again, and then again, until it became so normal that you forgot it wasn’t.

I think you get away from that spouse or that church or that friend.

This post did me in.  Hit me right in the gut.  I literally have a stomach ache now.  It brought up a lot of pain I’d thought was behind me, but it is timely because I have a friend in an abusive situation right now, and I’m going to pass this along to her.

Go read the rest of the article, and feel free to come back here and discuss it if you would like to.

Blessings,

HW

links for church leavers

September 15, 2008 at 8:23 pm | In church dropouts, clb, spiritual abuse | 4 Comments
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I’ve met more people in blog-land who have left church than I ever expected. I’ve come across some links that are either blogs, or ministries that seem to be helpful and ministering to people who are ex-church members for various reasons.

  • Letters From Leavers is a compilation of… well…. letters from those who have left churches for various reasons.
  • Detoxing from Church
  • Lifestream A lot of writings by Wayne Jacobson, and much to explore
  • Jake Colsen You can read So You Don’t Want to Go To Church Anymore online here.  Even my mother has enjoyed this book.
  • The God Journey This is one I’ve just started to check into, but it has podcasts to listen to.

Do you know of any more?  Is there a site or blog that has helped you that you would like to let us know about?

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