To Be A Fool…

I’ve had pain since I was 16.  Physical pain.   Diagnosed when I was around 26 with Fibromyalgia.  It is a frustrating disease, since the treatment options are limited.   The doctors tell you that you have it, but then they have no idea how to help.

So I’m used to pain.  My neck and right shoulder are almost constantly hurting.  Such is my life, and while I don’t like it, I’ve adjusted to it.

3 years ago I began to struggle with horrendous fatigue, the likes I’ve never experienced except when caused by the occasional all-nighter.  I’ve gone to many doctors, they all just tell me it is the fibromyalgia or depression.  I’ve been diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency, B12 deficiency, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, and treatment all of these things still have not erased the fatigue.  I also knew I had a D deficiency, and likewise, the dosage I was giving didn’t seem to  help so I blew it off.  It was an offhand comment by the doctor anyway as I was leaving… oh, you are D deficient, take some D.

This past year has been debilitating.  I haven’t been able to do much of anything.  I have to save up my energy for activities, then it takes 3 days or more before I can function again.  It is very frustrating.  I’ve gained a ton of weight because I seriously am unable to do anything physical without being knocked on my butt for 3 or 4 days.  I hardly eat, but I still gain.  Go figure.

Everyone has the answer.  Have you been there?  You need to exercise… you need to take this vitamin… you need to take that treatment…. Even my mother calls me and wants me to go places with her, and get some exercise.  If you’ve ever struggled with severe fatigue, you know that it is impossible to function!  Often I would slur my speech because I was too tired to talk.  I had trouble thinking, and was always losing things because the effort to recall was beyond me.  I’m so weak, constantly dropping things, tripping over things that aren’t there, and I shuffle through the house sometimes, unable to move faster than a crawl.

A few weeks ago I had an MRI to see if they could find evidence of MS.  It was negative.  They are looking for MS and Lupus at this point, and they are at a loss as to what to tell me.  I was seriously giving up on any hope of ever feeling better.  Finally I was very depressed.  It is actually rather scary to be at the point of giving up but it takes energy to keep fighting, and I didn’t have any.

I didn’t have the energy to write anymore, or read the blogs I’ve always enjoyed.  For the first time in weeks I opened my reader, and the first thing I read was  this article at a friends blog.  It is about vitamin D deficiency and how her daughter is finding help.  Knowing I have a deficiency anyway,  I started myself on some higher doses of D3.  It seems to be helping.    I find myself with some hope again.  I took my family to a nearby city for a day at Chuck E. Cheese’s and the zoo.  I didn’t crash until I was home!  That is HUGE!  It has taken me a few days to recover from that trip, but it is still HUGE!

Hope is a good thing…..