To Be A Fool…

I don’t talk about politics on here.  Mainly because I HATE politics.    I hate the lies, the slander, the money, the propaganda.  I research the candidates and try to pick the candidate I feel I can vote for.  And I’m not going to tell you who I’m going to vote for.  That’s why they have the little curtain around the voting booth.  It’s private.

This year my husband has been glued to the tv for all of the candidate coverage, polls, interviews, and debates while I have been catching up on my recorded shows (I have watched most of the debates, ugh).  I pop through the kitchen and catch bits and peices, and he tells me the highlights of what has been going on.

So… Steve (my husband) wrote a blog piece about this years election.  He is wondering what if they candidates had to answer how their policies line up with the beatitudes.  Warning, nobody was spared in the writing of this blog.

Without further ado, here is his long (and pretty funny) post.

The Debatetudes

I was reading a post on Jim’s blog today, and it got me wondering. What if they combined the Saddleback Civic Forum (which has been much more informative than any of the other debates) with a regular debate, and the candidates were asked how their policies line up with the Beatitudes?

It might go something like this.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Obama: And 95% of them will receive a tax cut under my plan.
McCain: That one doesn’t get it. If we give breaks to the rich in spirit the kingdom of heaven will trickle down to everyone else.

“Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.”

Biden: So don’t tell me I don’t understand normal folks from Scranton PA.
Obama: (secretly recorded) “Holy crap! he’s from Pennsylvania. I thought he was from Delaware. Somebody pat him down and make sure he doesn’t have a gun or a bible.”
Palin: Ah ya we Joe six-packs mourn every hockey mom that gets unfairly attacked by a pit bull wearing lipstick. (smile)

“Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.”

McCain: Meek-Shmeek we need mavericks to clean up Washington D.C.!
Obama: Maverick huh! So by your own admission you are associated with Samuel Maverick for whom that term was coined, and everybody knows he was a rancher from Texas. Sound like anyone else we know? Sounds like four more years of George Bush to me.
McCain: You know I was a POW right?

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.”

Palin: and dog-gone-it if you are hungry and thirsty for oil I say drill baby drill!
Biden: (everyone still looking at Palin and didn’t hear a word he said, but I’m sure it was eloquent though historically inaccurate)

“Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy. “

McCain: How merciful was that guy’s fiend Bill Ayers who, wile I was in the Hanoi Hilton by the way although I don’t like to talk about that, was smoking the mary jane with his other hippy friends and plotting to stick it to the man. The man that I was defending half way around the world as a POW.
Obama: See John is so out of touch. Nobody calls it mary jane any more.
McCain: (snapping fingers) Hey man, this hep cat can still swing with the best of them Daddy-O. (points at Obama with thumb) Unlike that jive turkey.

“Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God. “

Obama: Who can really define purity?
McCain: Certainly not you.
Obama: You’re old.
McCain: You’re ugly.
Obama: Bush lover.
McCain: Where am I?
Obama: Incoming!!!!
McCain: (dives under the podium)
Obama: Ha! I love when he dos that!
McCain: Mommy???

“Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God. “

McCain: Yes,we will make peace once they have been pounded into submission beyond a shadow of a doubt, and they admit that we won.
Obama: The sooner the better so we can move troops to be blessed in Pakistan, er um, Afghanistan.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Palin: Um, let me see. I like “Freebird”. Now I’m sure you elite media types will persecure me for likin’ that righteous tune, but I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to make Shake ‘n Bake in Washington. (wink)
Biden: (sigh) This is too boring for my huge throbbing brain that can barely be contained by my massive forehead. Can we get Hillary in here to take over for me? She really would have been a better pick. Seriously, I’m leaving. When is the next train?

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you…

Obama: Let me stop you right there. That’s fine as long as you say it to my face Johnny boy.
McCain: Because of my numerous war wounds, you know I was a POW right, I can’t lift my head to look you in the eye. So if you could just kneel before me I’d be happy to. Skippy.

Can you tell I have watched too much election coverage and I’m kinda sick of it.