Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real

I love this saying I found today (I don’t know who said it). I wonder why people are always putting down how they or others feel. And why we often apologize for how we feel. Well, at least I do.  So here is what I’ve been mulling over today.

How many of us feel guilt for our emotions? Well… we know our emotions can mislead us. I know they can be totally “out of place” for the situation.  But that doesn’t make them less valid or real to the person feeling them.

Emotions are normal.  If they are seriously out of proportion to what is happening, there may be a need for help.  Counseling, therapy, etc…  but not because of the emotions themselves.  Just like any part of our body, out of control emotions can indicate something is wrong.  Just like pain in the body indicated something is wrong and we need to see a doctor.  Or they can just be telling us what we already know… that we have been hurt.

I have learned one thing in life, and that is that the way to the other side of the pain is through it.  If we cannot face the pain, how can we get past it?  In the case of deep trauma and pain it is very helpful and can be important to have someone help you through this, such as a counselor or pastor or therapist.

As Christians we seem to think we are wrong to have emotions. Because, of course, God would never ever have any feelings!  Oh wait, in the Bible we see that God has feelings. We are made in the image of God.   Should we be so surprised that we have emotions?  In fact many feelings are mentioned in scripture.

I think it is far more important to ACT correctly, despite our emotions.  Emotions aren’t good or bad.  How we ACT on them, however, can be positive or sinful.  Acknowledge we feel it, work through it if we have to, and do the right thing anyway.  And that is not always easy!  We can either hide how we feel, or explode all over someone else…. or we can handle our emotions in a way that we and others can find healing, express them in a constructive way, own them, bring them before God, and so on.

If emotions are wrong, why does Psalm 34:18 say that God is close to the brokenhearted?  Jesus makes a similar statement.  The Psalms are full of emotions and yet David is called a man after God’s own heart.

Even anger is not condemned, only the way we act in our anger is mentioned.   In Ephesians 4:26, the Bible says, “In your anger, do not sin,”  God Himself gets angry. (See Exodus 4:14, Leviticus 26:28, and Numbers 11:33 )  However, God is slow to anger as we know through Psalm 103:8.    I really want to become slow to anger myself.  One of the ways my emotions have been expressing themselves as they begin to come out is through anger.

Sadness isn’t wrong.  David and Job pour out their  sorrow before the Lord.  Jesus wept (John 11:35),  and even sweat blood (Luke 22:44)  Expressing our emotions can be quite appropriate and especially healing.  Those who mourn are listed as blessed in the Sermon on the Mount and promised comfort.  God collects our tears in a bottle! Ps. 56:8.

Spending time on the positive emotions is encouraged.  Philipians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  I know I feel better when I look at a beautiful sunset, hear a story about someone helping another less fortunate, and so on.

Many of us have stuffed our emotions so far down in an effort never to feel anything.  Even though I don’t believe that is healthy, or the way to deal with emotions, I haven’t always believed that way.  I used to think there was something wrong with me because I felt a certain way(in fact, I thought there was something wrong with me all-around), so I put my emotions into a box.  The problem was, that box eventually exploded into all sorts of trouble.  I don’t cry often, but a good cry every once in awhile is very cleansing… and there are healthy ways to express our emotions.

Old habits die hard.  I still tend to dismiss my emotions, or even apologize for them.    I still tend to stuff them into the box.  But more and more often I acknowledge them.  I try to validate them, so I can deal with my own issues and move forward with what I hope is the correct action.

It is a process that has taken me a long, long time to even begin to address.  I so very much wish I could accept and even embrace my human emotions, rather than dread and dismiss them.   I’ve been very broken by some situations in my life, and was taught to try to not feel by people who didn’t believe emotion had a place in anyone’s life.  But that was wrong, and as I work to heal, I also need to put emotions into their rightful place in my life.

One step at a time…

What about you?

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