Demanding submission that is not freely given is not leadership… it is domination and control. You know what I’m talking about if you have ever been coerced, manipulated, intimidated or forced into going along with something you knew was wrong, or even you weren’t sure about but didn’t dare question because they are your “leaders.”
Sorry, but spiritual abuse is still abuse, and just as damaging to people. Makes me sick. It’s like some little kid got to be in charge, and is afraid people will not do what they say, so they have to force the other children to do what they say at all costs. If they won’t follow they’ll ban them, ridicule them, mock them, talk about them, or shame them until they conform. That isn’t “leadership”… that is a bully.
If I hadn’t been through it, I’d still be walking along, lalalalala…. but I’ve been seriously damaged by spiritual abuse. So damaged that I can’t walk into my old church without serious emotional backlash. Sure, the abuser is gone, but there are still the lingering memories and the ongoing hurt.
Definitely time to move forward with Jesus and leave that junk behind. Maybe someday I’ll be able to walk through those doors without hurting, but in the meantime I’ll concentrate on healing by leaving it in the past and not dredging it all up by visiting. I have to go one more time to watch my girls dance, and then I don’t plan on even visiting again unless it is a funeral or a wedding.
I completely understand. I can’t even drive by the old place without feeling sick and nervous. I tried to go back there about a year after I left for some event, don’t even remember what, and it was awful.
I think it will always hurt. Like “breaking up” with a close friend, or maybe even like a divorce (although I can’t make that comparison first-hand). It will always hurt, but I think it gets a little better with time. But six years out, I still feel like a basket case when I think about it.
Peace Heidi.
Comment by Erin — March 2, 2011 @ 12:36 am
Heidi ~ Nice to see you writing again. Having been hurt myself, I understand your feelings. My answer to your final question; you shouldn’t.
Comment by Mike — March 3, 2011 @ 12:10 am
Erin, I think you are probably right, and I’ve been thinking that just like a divorce, we need distance.
Mike, thanks. I think you are right. If we do go back to church I really don’t think it can be that one anyway. And I’m glad I’m writing again too.
Comment by HW — March 3, 2011 @ 7:20 am
Oh and Mike is right…you don’t have to open yourself up to that. Hopefully your mom will understand.
Comment by Erin — March 3, 2011 @ 12:20 pm
She did seem to understand. I’m allowing the kids to finish up their dance rehearsals and they’ll perform on Mother’s Day and then we’ll not start up that again. That should be my last visit, and I asked her not to ask me to take them to any more practices.
I do think we need to find a new church because of our kids. I’d really like my 2 oldest to be in a youth group. I just don’t have the heart or energy to go visit churches right now. Hopefully I will be able to drum up some of those soon.
Comment by HW — April 19, 2011 @ 5:35 pm