We’ll miss you, Rita

My mother in law passed away last night. The family made the difficult choice to remove life support when complications made it clear that she wasn’t going to be able to ever come off of the ventilator that was keeping her alive.

We will be gone over the next several days for the funeral services, and to be with family.

Love and blessings,
Heidi

Here we are again

My mother-in-law went in to the hospital for a rather simple procedure on Thursday, and may not wake up. Her breast cancer re-occurred, and metastasized to her lungs. She is 2 hours away, so I’ve been driving back and forth and my husband has been staying there on and off.

We just went through this with my dad less than 2 years ago.

I’m pretty tired right now, and of course, everyone is devastated.

We are waiting to see if she gets off the vent and has a little time before the end or not…

In the meantime, my kids are crushed. I’ll let you know what happens. I’m tired.

Unless she passes away in the next two days, I’m heading for Cleveland by myself on Tuesday. I thought about canceling the appointment, but the stress is making my symptoms much worse so it seems like it might be a good time to be evaluated, and my husband wants me to try and go ahead if I can make the drive myself.

Sometimes life sucks.

still looking

Heading to Cleveland Clinic next week in my search for a cause to my physical problems.

I’m sure nobody else has ever done this, but I’ve had a heck of a week. My neurologist had casually mentioned a test result to me that had me freaking out about going into renal failure when I got home and looked it up on the internet. Well… the internet is a DANGEROUS tool in the hands of the un-doctors, haha. When I finally got the actual test results in my hands, it wasn’t exactly what she had said. PHEW. But in the mean time, I’d already made the appointment.

I called to cancel it, and they asked me to keep it…. so I’m going to go. Why not… I live within 3 hours of one of the best hospitals in our nation. I might as well take advantage. Maybe they can figure this out!

In the meantime, my stressful week hasn’t exactly helped. LOL.

Heidi
~internet mis-user~

I’ll love you, even if you don’t attend my church

So the other day I talked about my experience with people only loving those willing to join their church, or their circle.  I mentioned a specific conversation I had with a person where I was rejected for their ministry because I wasn’t “attending” a church (and even though I explained my health reasons, they didn’t even comment on that, refusing to consider anything except the fact that I didn’t meet their iron-clad ‘criterion’ as a Christian, or a minister)

To understand this post, you really need to go back and read that post, titled:  If you join my church I will love you.

I wanted to do justice to the story however, and tell you the bright side to the story, even though it makes the hurt worse in a way, because it becomes more personal.

After this situation happened, I was so hurt that a few days later I blew up all over my facebook page.  Without naming names or even the circumstances, I mentioned how unhappy I was with religious people who lied, and how I thought that my children shouldn’t even be going to that church if that was how they were going to be.

A few hours later I received a phone call from the pastor of the church.  This is a man I graduated from High School with, and have known for many, many years.  He was the assistant pastor back when this was our home church. The one we left because it was our “abusive” church, and the one we had to walk away from because the senior pastor (who has now been ‘outed’ for reason that have no point to this story, but if you are familiar with our story, you know about) and his wife were horrid and abusive to us.  Anyway, (this man who called) he is now the Sr. Pastor there.

He was very concerned about us, and wondered “What in the world had happened!”  So I told him! I seem to be getting over the years of “silence.”  Un-learning the unhealthy practice of keeping it all in. 

He assured me that in no way had the church made the decision that I had to be a part of a church to minister,  and neither was that person nor the director acting as HIS mouth-piece.  He was also fairly positive that the ministry they had “un-invited” me to be a part of, had no such rules.  He also hadn’t heard anything about it, so he wasn’t sure what was what. However, he also offered me the olive branch of belonging…. if I ever came across a similar situation, I should feel free to tell them that I belong (and always belong, no matter if I attend or not) to their church, and he will back me up on that.  No matter how far we go, or even if we go to another church, it always feels to him that we are a part of that church.  Hmm….  And since, he has reached out in a few other small ways that show love in action, not words.

So I just wanted you all to know the flip-side of the story.
In a way it made the lying all that much worse, and more personal… but it also gave me the sense that there is at least one person out there who isn’t hung up on the building and the meetings… but is trying to really love the people.  And if there is one… there is hope there are others.