This is how the conversation usually goes…
Them: Hey, how are you doing. Haven’t seen you in awhile. Where are you going to church at?
Me: Well, we aren’t going anywhere at the moment. I’ve been dealing with some serious pain and chronic fatigue issues for years now. I’m going to a doctor in Buffalo to try and get diagnosed, and it is just too much to even think about getting everyone ready for church. My mom has been taking my girls with her when she is able to.
Them: Oh. Well… you should come to our church. We’d love to have you.
Me: In the future when I’m feeling better, maybe that would work, thanks.
Them: Ok, think about it. Bye.
Me: Thanks…. (wondering why nobody seems to even have the first amount of compassion, but whatever… just pretend I never mentioned the health issues)
A few weeks or so later another person
New person: I heard you aren’t going to church anywhere
Me: True
New Person: You should come sometime. There are really awesome things happening at our church now. Things are really great!
Me: I’m so glad to hear it. So who did you hear that from?
New Person: I heard it from “them.”
Me: Did they mention why I wasn’t coming?
New Person: No, but you really should be in a local body you know. It is really important to be in fellowship… etc….
Is it really such a mystery why I don’t understand Christians who show love only to those within their own circles? Who have no compassion for people who are relatively shut in due to health issues? No… because it is the fact I’m not in fellowship that seems to be the gossip trains concern… but if that is such a concern, why don’t they show up to offer it in person? Apparently fellowship can only be gained in a church setting.
***
Here is a real-life situation that happened to me not all that long ago. (not word for word, but close)
Woman: I would LOVE to have you be part of my ministry. We work with **** two evenings a month, and you and I would work together.
Me: Wow, that sounds like something I could do, and it is right up my alley. I would absolutely LOVE to be involved in that! Please check with your director to be sure it is ok that I am involved.
Woman: It is totally up to me, and my decision so of course it is ok. I picked you.
Me: Please check anyway, just to be sure
Woman: Ok, I’ll check, but it will be fine. 
Me: Ok. I’m getting so excited to be a part of this.
Woman: (a few days later) Where do you go to church. (uh oh)
Me: (explained my situation in detail, pain, fatigue, thought that 2 evenings a month was something I could handle physically and would love to help people and be able to minister again)
Woman: (a few days later) oh, we don’t need you after all… my director wants to work with me instead. Sorry. (figured, but had gotten up my hopes… knew better)
A few days after this the woman’s mother says to my mother…. “she would have LOVED to work with your daughter but your daughter doesn’t go to church anywhere…” NOTHING about the fact that I’m in pain and fatigued and nobody is ministering to me. NOTHING about the fact that this woman LIED to me. Nothing about the fact that there was NOTHING said about my situation at all. Not one expression of sympathy… not one I’m sorry… not one offer of help. Nobody gives a shit.
No… I’m not trying to have self-pity here. I’m really not. I’m just saying that there is something seriously wrong with this picture. They care more about ‘going’ to church than being the church. And I would have been accountable to them. I would have been more than happy to be accountable to their church and their ministry. I would have LOVED to minister to people who also need help and aren’t in a position to come to church on Sunday mornings. Sigh.
This is why I don’t tell people I’m ill. I’d rather be judged “lazy” and “backslidden” and whatever else than deal with this. I’d rather just be a hermit than deal with this. I’d rather just disappear than deal with this. So most of the time the conversation goes more like this….
Person: So how are you?
Me: Good. How are you?
Person: Good. Where do you go to church?
Me: Nowhere.
Person: You should come to our church.
Me: Maybe someday… who knows.
Person: Great. Bye.
Me: Bye.
And they go their merry way feeling they did their duty as a Christian, and I go mine, having protected myself from being once again judged as someone who deserves nothing unless I attend a certain ceremony in a certain building during a certain time-slot on a certain day of the week. Sigh.
