Honestly, it has been so good for us to live the hermit’s life the past few years. Well, almost. We see my mom, and one of my sisters rather regularly. In fact, my sister and her 4 kids have stayed with us on and off the past few years. That means 3 adults and 8 kids in the house. If the kids only realized we were outnumbered, and they could take us, we’d be in trouble! haha
But living a quieter life, and being away from a church setting has really been good in deconstructing the things that were so hammered into us. We’ve learned so much.
I don’t know if we will go back to a church setting or not. I do miss worship… I do miss a church family. I don’t at all miss the expectations and the pressure to be someone I’m not. So we’ll see. I guess it will depend on what we are looking for when we do go back. Can I keep from getting caught up in the rules and religion rather than Jesus? I don’t know yet. Or better yet, is there a place where we can be ourselves?
Some days I feel such self-condemnation. Other days, when the fatigue and pain are weighing on me, I think how nice it is that nobody is expecting us to be anywhere for this program, or that pot-luck. It is honestly hard enough to keep up with my kids and their schedules without adding my own.
Anyway, just dropping a line to say hi and start catching up with everyone again.
We are planning a trip to Florida in December. I can’t wait to visit with family, and hopefully get a day in at Disney with the kids.
Love,
Heidi
Wow, as I was reading your post I thought that somebody had taken a page from my journal and posted it! Girl, I feel your pain and know what you’re going through. It’s been 3 years since we left our church and the roller coaster ride has been no fun at all. I could go on and on, but I won’t…but I will say this. You can survive this. I know you know that…but let me re-affirm that. I won’t lie and say that’s it’s easy, it’s not. But it gets better, I promise. Don’t worry right now about whether you will ever go back to a church setting or not. I used to swear that I would never go again, and that I wouldn’t change my mind about that. But I did. It took a few years and a couple of visits to some very bizarre churches before we finally found a church that we could be ministered to in, without all of the the legalism, condemnation, and ‘religious politics’. Your personal relationship with Christ is what’s really important, not whether you attend a church or not. Isolation is a great thing. It’s lonely and depressing, yes. But it gives you the time and space to re-evaluate, to come to your OWN conclusions about what the will of God is for your life, not your church/pastors. Isolation brings a quietness to your spirit…and when things are a little quieter you can hear better the voice of God. It’s just you and Him. And as long as you have Him….you can survive. Heal. Grow. LIVE. Take heart girl and NEVER GIVE UP.
Comment by Angie Scarry — October 19, 2009 @ 7:02 pm
It is amazing to find other people who understand. I don’t have too many people who “get it”. Unfortunately, that means you’ve been through it too, and I’m sorry for that… but I’m thankful you wrote!
Thanks so much, Angie
Comment by HW — October 23, 2009 @ 8:21 am
Heidi, I am naturally a hermit, so sometimes I think the kids’ busy schedules are good, because it pulls me out of my shell (and the house). We have seven in this house (two adults, my college-age daughter and her friend who’s a refugee from a bad family situation, and our three youngest), and that’s hectic enough!
I still go to church and run the church Web site, but I don’t “do” any of the programs and what not.
Comment by Jim — October 20, 2009 @ 6:35 am
Jim, it is hectic enough just to live our lives (especially when we have kids!) I tend to have the opposite problem… I’m not a hermit by nature, and I can get myself so caught up in things at times. This has been good for me.
Comment by HW — October 23, 2009 @ 8:23 am
Hi to all of you courages hermits.
I have always wanted to try what you have done, but lack something or many things.
I am 51 and single(never married) in ok shape and with the way the country appears to be going Iam thinking of making my first real thoughts of doing just that. Anyway just thought I would Leave A Comment. I hope you continue a wonderful life. And may God Bless all of you.
Comment by david — November 11, 2009 @ 9:14 pm
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Hermit.
Comment by Michelle — December 23, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
Hey there, beautiful! We are in FLORIDA!
Merry Christmas to you too!
Comment by Heidi — December 23, 2009 @ 5:00 pm
Florida!?!?! For vacation or to live????
I thought we were having nice weather.
Emjoy!!!
Comment by Michelle — December 23, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
We are on vacation.
Comment by Heidi — December 24, 2009 @ 10:42 am