living exhausted without hope… but maybe the sun is rising?
May 23, 2009 at 7:40 am | In Chronic Fatige, Fibromyalgia, Hope, Vitamin D, depression | 27 CommentsI’ve had pain since I was 16. Physical pain. Diagnosed when I was around 26 with Fibromyalgia. It is a frustrating disease, since the treatment options are limited. The doctors tell you that you have it, but then they have no idea how to help.
So I’m used to pain. My neck and right shoulder are almost constantly hurting. Such is my life, and while I don’t like it, I’ve adjusted to it.
3 years ago I began to struggle with horrendous fatigue, the likes I’ve never experienced except when caused by the occasional all-nighter. I’ve gone to many doctors, they all just tell me it is the fibromyalgia or depression. I’ve been diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency, B12 deficiency, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, and treatment all of these things still have not erased the fatigue. I also knew I had a D deficiency, and likewise, the dosage I was giving didn’t seem to help so I blew it off. It was an offhand comment by the doctor anyway as I was leaving… oh, you are D deficient, take some D.
This past year has been debilitating. I haven’t been able to do much of anything. I have to save up my energy for activities, then it takes 3 days or more before I can function again. It is very frustrating. I’ve gained a ton of weight because I seriously am unable to do anything physical without being knocked on my butt for 3 or 4 days. I hardly eat, but I still gain. Go figure.
Everyone has the answer. Have you been there? You need to exercise… you need to take this vitamin… you need to take that treatment…. Even my mother calls me and wants me to go places with her, and get some exercise. If you’ve ever struggled with severe fatigue, you know that it is impossible to function! Often I would slur my speech because I was too tired to talk. I had trouble thinking, and was always losing things because the effort to recall was beyond me. I’m so weak, constantly dropping things, tripping over things that aren’t there, and I shuffle through the house sometimes, unable to move faster than a crawl.
A few weeks ago I had an MRI to see if they could find evidence of MS. It was negative. They are looking for MS and Lupus at this point, and they are at a loss as to what to tell me. I was seriously giving up on any hope of ever feeling better. Finally I was very depressed. It is actually rather scary to be at the point of giving up but it takes energy to keep fighting, and I didn’t have any.
I didn’t have the energy to write anymore, or read the blogs I’ve always enjoyed. For the first time in weeks I opened my reader, and the first thing I read was this article at a friends blog. It is about vitamin D deficiency and how her daughter is finding help. Knowing I have a deficiency anyway, I started myself on some higher doses of D3. It seems to be helping. I find myself with some hope again. I took my family to a nearby city for a day at Chuck E. Cheese’s and the zoo. I didn’t crash until I was home! That is HUGE! It has taken me a few days to recover from that trip, but it is still HUGE!
Hope is a good thing…..
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Hope is a VERY big thing! Here’s some more hope (and prayer) thrown your way. I hope the vitamin D helps – it helped me with my SAD this year.
[Just keep an eye out for signs of toxicity. Not nagging, just making sure.]
Comment by Jim — May 23, 2009 #
Jim, I’m taking the upper limit of 10,000 so that shouldn’t be enough to make me toxic. Thank you for your prayers and concern.
I just wanna feel normal again!
Comment by HW — May 23, 2009 #
So glad you are seeing a glimmer of being better. Britt asked if I had heard if you were trying it. Keep us updated.
She did find a way around the stomach upset that she was experiencing. She takes it with vitamin C and it seems to do away with the nausea.
Here’s to energy…!
Comment by Barb — May 23, 2009 #
Barb, tell Britt thanks for me for letting you share her story. I took C with my D today (sounds like alphabet soup, haha) after reading this. I discovered that the one D I had was loaded with K, and it upset my stomach worse at higher doses… so I found a D without… plus I ordered a liquid (since I don’t absorb vitamins well anyway). I’m spacing it out over the day too, which seems to help. Next winter I’m going to try tanning also!
It doesn’t sound like much, but my husband was so excited today because I took him to 3 different stores looking for a pool for the kids. I couldn’t have done that a week ago! One store, get what I need, come home and lay down.
Yay!
Comment by HW — May 23, 2009 #
Oh,I’m trying to find my test results from Dr. Kerry’s office so I know better how much to take. I’ll ask them for a retest in a few months. But (no surprise here) I seem to have misplaced those paper.
Comment by HW — May 23, 2009 #
Welcome back. You were missed.
Best wishes on your health condition!!
Comment by David Richardson — May 23, 2009 #
thanks, David!
Comment by HW — May 23, 2009 #
Heidi,
Oh, my friend! I will sincerely be praying for you!! Thank you for updating us on how you’ve been these last few months. I’m so sorry the pain and struggles physically and emotionally you have been through.
I am glad the Vitamin D supplements seem to be helping. Please keep us posted on how you are. Again, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Blessings,
~Amy
Comment by Amy — May 23, 2009 #
Thank you, Amy. It isn’t easy at times to be transparent, but I didn’t want everyone to think I just gave up on them either. I’ve missed you and i really appreciate those prayers! I never thought I’d be down like this for so long… i don’t like to sit still!
Blessings!
Heidi
Comment by HW — May 23, 2009 #
i know how it is to walk in hopelessness. i so appreciated your transparency and vulnerability… trusting that He’ll hold you close and keep infusing His hope in your heart.
Comment by alece — May 24, 2009 #
Thank you, Alece. I need that hope.
Comment by HW — May 24, 2009 #
Your story is mine. Strange, huh?
Hope is what we must hold onto, Heidi. For some reason He has allowed us to endure this for a time…
I am so glad to see you back and do hope with you the Vitamin D is an answer to some of your struggles.
Love you!
Comment by Michelle — May 24, 2009 #
Michelle, we share so many of our struggles. Love you too!
Comment by HW — May 26, 2009 #
Thank you for sharing. I have now wise words…only that I will pray.
Comment by Mike — May 25, 2009 #
Thank you, Mike. That is the best thing you can do.
Comment by HW — May 26, 2009 #
Heidi–I’m praying for you. God is at work here, even when He can’t be seen. Stay hopeful!
BTW, when I’m struggling with depression, Chuck E Cheese is the last place I go…
Comment by Richard J. — May 25, 2009 #
Thanks Richard. I hear you on the Chuck E Cheese thing too! It isn’t my favorite place to be ever. LOL
Comment by HW — May 26, 2009 #
thinking i may need to do that same thing…Vitamin D…mmmmm i will try just about anything.. love you Princess, still want to see you sometime this summer, even for just a little while..
Comment by darla — May 29, 2009 #
Darla! I really hope I get to see you. How much of a blessing that would be!!!!
I read somewhere that in this part of the country most people have some vitamin D dficiency because we only get the sun at the right angle for the summer months. It is worth a try, right?
Love you!
Heidi
Comment by HW — May 29, 2009 #
So pleased you are back …
God is good.
Comment by Mark R — May 29, 2009 #
God is so good.
Comment by HW — June 3, 2009 #
Hello you!
yes, God is good!!
and I am praying for you…
big hugz!!
Comment by hunnybee — June 3, 2009 #
Thanks, Deb. Hugz back!!!!
Comment by HW — June 18, 2009 #
Hi Heidi,
After reading your blog, and your friends, and hearing from another friend about the benefits of D3 even for colds and flu, AND having 2 articles show up in my email…I FINALLY decided to take the possible hint from God and get some! Just took my first dose. Just wanted to share the website with you that I purchased it from, as it is a spray that goes under your tongue. Thought you might like that better? Tastes like spearmint. How long before you started feeling better? I have spent a few months tanning this winter, but haven’t been for the past month, and just feel like crap all the way around. Hoping to notice a difference with this:)
http://products.mercola.com/vitamin-d-spray/?source=nl
Comment by Kelly — June 5, 2009 #
Oh, I like spearmint! I’ll have to try that! Thanks!
I haven’t noticed a ‘huge’ improvement overall, but there is a definite ability to keep going rather than crashing at the worst times. Let me know how it works for you!
Heidi
Comment by HW — June 18, 2009 #
Hi Heidi,
well, I don’t know if it was the vitamin D or allergy meds, I started both around the same time. I can’t imagine claritin would do anything for depression and fatigue, so I’m assuming it’s the D. But I feel so much better! Thanks for sharing! and this stuff tastes really good:) My 3 year old even likes it, and she’s the pickiest little girl on the planet!
Comment by Kelly — June 18, 2009 #
I’m glad you are doing so much better, Kelly! YAY!
Comment by HW — June 21, 2009 #