The Last Post of 2008

May you all have a very blessed and happy New Year!

Not an obligation…. an invitation

This has been echoing in my head for a few days now. It is in regards to something specific that God is asking me to do, yes… but when I was whining about it (whining? Not me… ok, yes, me) I heard these words whispered…

It is not an obligation, Heidi…. it is an invitation. An invitation into relationships, restoration and renewal.

Meaning, I don’t HAVE to! (woo hoo) I really don’t. What a relief. There is nothing worse than feeling forced into something.

But if I choose not to, I’ll miss something special.

Hmmmm… suddenly curiosity begins to wage a battle to find out what that something special is.

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas this year! So many of you have become friends that are so important to me. I look forward to getting to know you even better, and to also make new friends on this journey in the coming year.

I think some changes are coming our way, but I’ll let you know about all of that later.

The best Christmas gift of all for us this year is the opportunity for healing from the abusive church situation we encountered awhile back (that I’ve talked about on here before). Things broke wide open, and I’ve had an opportunity to e-mail the person that is in charge of helping the church work through things. There are no longer any secrets, and they are committed to bringing everything into the open where healing and reconciliation can flow. I’m looking forward to this process. (Unfortunately, the old pastor is gone, and doesn’t seem to want to work through anything… we’ll pray that he will turn to Jesus and find the healing he so desperately needs as well).

What else….

My kids are adorable, and they are so excited about Christmas this year!

We’ll miss my dad greatly this year, as the first Christmas without him. He enjoyed his grandchildren on Christmas, and my heart hurts that he isn’t here to enjoy it. But he is having Christmas in heaven, and I’m sure the celebration there is even better!

Love you all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
Love,
HW

Sometimes Love Is “No.”

Molly wrote an amazing post called “Letters to an Abused Soul: When Love Is “No.” Here is an excerpt.

In fact, what do you do when you realize you’ve been conned, regularly, repeatedly, by someone who is literally a mastermind at manipulating? When years of your life were spent being lied to, being twisted, being played? When you thought you were giving your all to something that was living and good, and really your energies and your love and your spirit were being sucked down into a black hole that would never be satisfied, that could never get enough, that would always want more until it finally sucked out the last bit of life you had.

And when, because of your own warped view of what it means to be loving and gracious—perhaps even a view that would be perfectly healthy if you were dealing with a healthy spouse or a healthy church or a healthy friend—you knew that something was wrong, something didn’t feel right, yet, because you thought that love never stopped giving, you let it happen again, and then again, and then again, until it became so normal that you forgot it wasn’t.

I think you get away from that spouse or that church or that friend.

This post did me in.  Hit me right in the gut.  I literally have a stomach ache now.  It brought up a lot of pain I’d thought was behind me, but it is timely because I have a friend in an abusive situation right now, and I’m going to pass this along to her.

Go read the rest of the article, and feel free to come back here and discuss it if you would like to.

Blessings,

HW

I’m too spoiled to be a single mom

I’ve discovered that I’m way too spoiled by my wonderful husband. Of course, I enjoy it. But for the next 3 days I’m single. He is several states away on business, and I’m here with my 4 children, the dog, the hamster, and me.

I just lugged in all the groceries. Since my honey works from home, there is almost always someone here to come help carry in the big stuff. I have to put all the kids in the car for any minor errand. And most of all, I just miss him! (Don’t tell him… he’ll get a swelled head)

Of course, there is something to be said for the quiet house. I was alone in the house this morning for 2 hours all by myself (and the dog and the hamster of course). Wow. So that is what quiet sounds like.

But I’ll happily trade the quiet in for my husbands presence here with me.

I’m more aware right now than usual of single moms and dads, and how stressful the holiday seasons must be for them. Now I’m going to have to put some thought into ways I can help (anonymously if possible). Ideas?

The Emperor’s Seed

This is a beautiful story I snagged from Amy’s Blog. After you read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

An Emperor, seeing his son, the heir, coming to maturity, knew the time had arrived to chose a bride for his son. While this bride would traditionally be selected from the Nobility Class young maidens this Emperor was exceedingly wise. He would open the selection process to all of his realm desiring a maiden of faithfulness to duty and responsibility, one who would be of good character and integrity, in order to rule with his son. He sent out servants with instructions: Each hopeful applicant would be given one single seed today… one special seed to plant, to water, to maintain and care for, and in one year all were to assemble w/ their plants and the selection of Bride would be made from their offering.

The Kingdom was abuzz with the announcement, and everyone astounded by the wise Emperor’s process. Though it did appear to many, as a rare departure from his usual wisdom.

Among the maidens from far and wide we find a peasant girl named Ling. Returning home w/ seed in hand, excitedly telling her mother of today’s assignment, they secure clay pot and dirt and Ling plants her offering. Faithfully watering it daily, two and three weeks go by and nothing has come up. Four, five, six weeks and still nothing, though she hears other young maidens talking about theirs beginning to grow.

Six months elapse, and still nothing to show in her dirt and clay pot. With heart of hope sinking within her, she just knew she had somehow disqualified herself and killed the seed before it had time to grow. While reports kept coming in at how others had such strong and delightful plants and some even trees growing from the Emperors special seed.

After the year, and with nothing to show, Ling dejectedly decided not to even return for the final selection process, avoiding the humiliation, that peers were sure to give. But her Mother insisted that she follow through, regardless of the result. Finally Ling agrees to attend. Though it did seem such a waste in attendance exercise.

When Ling entered the palace with empty pot in hand, she was overwhelmed by the lush variety of plants grown by the other applicants—all manner of shape and sizes, lush and seemingly prosperous plants for sure. Yes, others eager to weigh her efforts, looked upon her empty pot, and with snickering mixed with sympathy coming from the other young women, it was so very hard to bear. So she slips towards the rear of the room, as if to hide.

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young women. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be chosen to be the bride of my son, who will in turn be emperor of this kingdom!” All of a sudden, as he was speaking, the Emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with her empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring her to the front. Ling was terrified.

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked her name. “My name is Ling,” she replied. All the women and servants were now laughing and making fun of her.

The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold the bride of my son! Her name is Ling!”

Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow her seed. How could she be the chosen one?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, you were each given a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers because when you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my true seed in it, untouched and not substituted with any other life. Therefore, she is the one who will be the wife for my son!”

Ouch

I don’t know what I did, but my jaw on the right side is killing me. It just started hurting out of the blue, and wow… ouch!

How is everyone doing out there?

Peace

Have peace. That is all I can think today. In the midst of a storm, I can have peace.

Thanks for the prayers.

oh my.

So… umm… yeah. The church we were abused in. The one we left awhile back.  The one that my mom still goes to. The one that my dad’s funeral was in. The one I wrote about here, here, here, and here.  Yeah. The pastor is done.  He got caught and this time it is publicly known.

Wow, I did not see that one coming right now.

I’m speechless.

Ok, nearly speechless.

I don’t know how I feel right now.  I’m not even sure there is a right or wrong way to feel.  My emotions on the matter roam the gambit from glad, sad, angry, and compassionate.  We still have so many people we love there, and my heart is hurting for what they are going through right now.  I know it well.

At least they aren’t walking through it alone like we did.  It is out and known by all.

Stop the insanity!

I don’t know about you, but I have GOT to stop taking myself so seriously. It isn’t all the time. I guess it goes back to the post about how it ISN’T all about me.

I was observing my children, and they just don’t know how to laugh at themselves. They know how to find humor in other people’s misfortune, but they don’t see any humor in their own foibles.  They are mortified if someone giggles when they trip, drop something, make a mistake. (as my son says when people laugh at him… I just feel so disrespected, Mom)

I can often laugh at myself,which is a far cry from my youth when I would just want to die if someone knew something embarrassing about me. But I want to go further with it.  I want to be able to really find the humor in life.  (Of course, I have a friend who says I already have an ‘overdeveloped’ sense of humor)

Just my thoughts for the day. Do you take yourself seriously or are you able to laugh at yourself?