May Synchroblog
Glenn, at re-dreaming the dream has a synchroblog today and I thought I’d give this a try. Here is his idea for May.
Since our stories can have a profound impact upon one another, I thought I would ask you a little about the latest chapter of your story.
So, for the May synchroblog, I am going to keep it simple and real. I hope you will join in. Let’s post May 5th. Please, remember to link back here. Anybody can join in!
- How are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- What are you learning?
- What are you dreaming about?
Grace & Peace
How are you doing?
It depends on which part of my life you mean. 
I’m doing really well in some areas. I am struggling in others. As a mom, I’m struggling because of some of the difficulties my children are going through. But as a child of God, I’m really learning and growing. I can see areas in my life that I’m finally feeling free in! And, of course, there are areas I know I need to grow up in.
What are you doing?
We are working on becoming a part of a new church. For us, this is a challenge, and is bringing up many emotions that stem from an abusive church we were a part of for years. We have had so many changes in our mindset in the past few years, and we have learned so much. We don’t want to go back into the box. One of our biggest struggles is how to deal with “controlling” people. Yesterday we were ‘controlled’ by a woman at church, and it was a palpable thing. It wasn’t just a difference of opinion… it was manipulation and control and we could taste it! After living under control in a church, we aren’t able to look at it objectively right now. It makes us think twice about whether or not we are too damaged to be a part of a church again right now.
What are you learning?
Wow. A lot! I’m learning that the gospel is simplicity. I’m learning that the Love of God is unconditional. I don’t have to perform to be loved and accepted by Him. I’m also learning that I cannot make life perfect for my children, and that is one really hard lesson!
What are you dreaming about?
A community of believers who love Jesus, and love each other. I am tired of white-washed religion, and I want a place where people are “real.” I don’t care so much anymore what it ‘looks like’.
Blessings!
Heidi
Others who are participating in this synchroblog
Glenn Hager at re-dreaming the dream: Feeling Free
Alan at The Assembling of the Church: You are here
Terra Rose at In The Garden: May Synchro Blog
Mike at Simply a Night Owl: Lost or Found (Depends on your view): May Synchroblog
Sarah at accidental blog: Glenn’s May Synchroblog
Erin at Decompressing Faith: My Turn
Lyn at beyond the four walls: Your Turn: May Synchroblog
Barb at A Former Leader’s Journey: May Synchroblog - One Year Checkup
Kathy at the carnival in my head: it stinks down here, but i really love the smell
Jeromy at A Mending Shift: Our Story - Chapter 10
Jeff at Losing My Religion: Re-Thinking Church: Mile Marker Reflections
Rachel at Just Something I Was Thinking About… : Synchroblog
[...] Mike with “Lost or Found (Depends on your view)“ Erin with “My Turn“ Lyn with “Your Turn“ Sarah with “Glenn’s May Synchroblog“ Jane with “Part 1“, “Part 2“, “Part 3“, & “Part 4“ Alan with “You Are Here“ Barb with “One Year Checkup“ Kathy with “It stinks down here, but I really love the smell“ Heidi with “May Synchroblog“ [...]
HW- Thanks for participating. You are getting started on really cool journey of grace and freedom… and a little desperation. The desperation keeps us looking in the place where we find the grace and freedom.
[...] HW: May Synchroblog [...]
“I don’t have to perform to be loved and accepted by Him. I’m also learning that I cannot make life perfect for my children, and that is one really hard lesson!”
Those are both pretty substancial things to learn. I too am discovering the depth and breadth of God’s love, and how shallow and limiting I used to believe it was (though I would never have admitted it). It is so hard to love our kids like our Dadda loves us! Ugh. Thanks for sharing your heart.
I am curious about your new church-thing. Can you tell me more or point me to some posts?
Thanks for sharing this, Heidi. Good to see where others are at with their journeys, and I think you’re on a good path.
Jeff, thank you.
Jeromy, I’m happy to share with you. What specifically would you like to know? We were in an independent church for 8 years that turned abusive (funny thing is that it always was abusive, but we didn’t realize it until things got really bad).
We attended this church we are in now for a little while right after the abusive church, before we moved away for 4 years to NC. Now we are back, but something happened while we were gone and it is basically starting over with new people and new leadership.
We have considered starting something in our area (the church is in a neighboring town), but we aren’t sure yet what it would look like.
heidi, thanks so much for sharing…i am glad to hear a bit more of your journey, too. the healing journey you have been on has probably given you some pretty amazing radar! blessings to you on your journey. i am with you, i am so done with white washed religion. kathy
Thanks, Kathy. I enjoy your blog so much!
Heidi ~ Thanks for sharing here and stopping my my house for a visit. I think that I might be about the same place as you are except that I have not made the break from the church yet.
I often wonder whether or not I will because I believe that it is part of my journey (or call if you will) to be the thorn. What I do know that is unless I feel led to leave, I’ll stay…I’ll just continue being me….
Mike… I think that is great. That you can be who you are anyway.
We ended up forced out… but the situation grew intolerable because of a secret we were expected to keep about the senior pastor. He was desperate to keep things under wraps. I often think that if that situation hadn’t occurred, we would still be there.
Heidi
Yea, I wasn’t sure if you had already began starting something new or not. It sounds as if the church is under better leadership now?
I hope so.
We’ve been there a few months now, and other than a few people it is new. So we’ll see how it goes.
Well I am thinking that if you recognized the controlling woman’s manipulation- you just may be ready to be back in church. IMO it would be worse if you didn’t know what it was because you would fall victim to old role dynamics.
Now, I don’t necessarily think going back to church is a good thing- just that you are probably more ready than you think.
Was the controlling woman in leadership? are you able to speak a boundary to her? Are people there able to recieve and accept your boundaries? Those are clues that I would look for before staying at a church. I am not trying to tell you what you should do; just thinking outloud.
I liked your comment about not being able to make your child’s world perfect. For me, when I started to see that, it was the begining of making my child’s life more real… making it more healthy.
I think that when we try to create a nest full of fluff- we don’t do them or ourselves any good. We teach them to be in denial; to pretend being what we are not…in essence? very much similar to the spiritual abuse that I encountered.
Everything on the outside looking neat, tidy and christian like…..
having the appearance of holiness…..
but lacking any honesty, truth, or grace.
thanks for sharing your story.
[...] You are Here Barb: One Year Checkup Erin Word: My Turn Glenn Hager: Feeling Free HW: May Synchroblog Jeff McQuilken: Mile Marker Reflections Jeromy Johnson: Our Story - Chapter 10 Kathy Escobar: [...]
Thankfully, while the woman is in leadership as a small group leader, she is not one of the pastors or elders…. although one of them was used, but they were unaware that they had been put in the middle of something nasty. We’ll see how it goes… but at this point nobody is listening to our boundaries, so we are a bit frustrated.
I would love to see my kids grow into healthy adults. Wow.
Thanks so much, Jane!