To Be A Fool…

Do we have others up on pedestals?

I don’t know about you, but at this point in my life I’m looking for the “real people.” But in the past, I have put those who seem to be extra-strong, or extra-spiritual, up on pedestals. And you know what? They always fell off! It was rather frustrating… not to mention hurtful, to see the ones that I looked at as larger than life fall off their chair, oft times broken to pieces. Funny enough in my case, it wasn’t the falling off that hurt me… it was the scrabbling and posturing, looking for ways to cover up their failings and put the righteous mask back on at any cost that did the damage. Apparently not only I had them on the pedestal, they had themselves on one.

It is hard to be free when we are constantly comparing ourselves to an unattainable standard. Perfection. And worse yet, when we believe others HAVE attained such a lofty perch, we become despondent, knowing that we shall never reach that divine standing in our own humanity. So we build a throne of pretense, and it is just a matter of time before we come crashing down. Or worse…perhaps we never crash, at least not publicly, and our entire life is just a role we play.

(( Jeff McQuilkin at Losing My Religion wrote a great post on Superhero Christianity. You can read it here.))

I’ve been listening to Steve Brown’s series on Scandalous Freedom. Last night I listened to a section about putting people on pedestals, and he made this statement:

There are no super-Christians, and if you found one, you’ve diminished yourself. When you have demeaned yourself that way, you’ll find yourself in a prison of shame and guilt and impossible expectations. The false idol of super-christians has destroyed the freedom of those who aren’t. -Steve Brown

Just thought that was interesting….

What is it that you are looking for in life? Significance? Love? Friendship?

I’ve spent much of my life looking for someone to just love and accept me for who I am. But that is all mixed up, because I spent most of those years trying to “be someone else” so that I could be loved and accepted. The supposition was that I had a ‘fundamental flaw.’ Something was so very wrong with me that I didn’t deserve to be loved. I didn’t even deserve to live. My life was an accident that should never have happened.

My self-destructive lifestyle from those years took a big toll on my health, both emotionally and physically.

I’m learning more about God’s love, but there are days where it is just too crazy to believe that I’m loved and accepted and wanted by Him. It seems to have been proven too many times that my original thinking was correct. So it is a process that gets walked out on a daily basis. The process to have those mindsets changed, and truth imparted.

There are so many people walking around wounded. How do we reach out loving hands and hearts and show them Christ?

1 Corinthians 13 (the Message)

The Way of Love

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

I love the “nakedpastor” website. Often the posts and pictures challenge us, and even provoke some strong emotions…. and they are always interesting.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about expectations, and assumptions. Not only the expectations put upon ME, but the ones I put on others as well.

This cartoon, in particular, reminded me of church days gone by. This is a cartoon that was indicitive of where I come from, although much more subtly. Many of you have experienced the same type of things in churches as well to varying degrees.

But it goes both ways. We often expect our pastors to be perfect people. They are supposed to always know exactly what we need, when we need it, how we needed, and deliver it now.

David Hayward (nakedpastor) wrote a great post to both pastors and congregations about avoiding burnout that I just read today. We must resist the temptations and expectations to become something we are not. Here is the link.

I haven’t really been in the mood to write much this week.  There has been a lot going on with church meetings, and doctor’s appointments… and I’m struggling with some depression.  Maybe the hermit life I led the past 4 years was a better fit.  My two oldest children ( 9 and 8 ) are struggling with the change to a new state and new schools this year, and desperately want to move back to NC, and my heart breaks for them.

In a prior post I mentioned that my son has been struggling this year with bullies, depression, anxiety, and bouts of vomiting.   I wanted to let you know that my son finally (after lots of tests) has a diagnosis for the vomiting.  He has been diagnosed with “Abdominal Migraines.”  Say what?  Migraines without the headache, but accompanied by pallor, stomach pain, and vomiting.   So we are pursuing ways to treat him for this condition.  It is good to know what is going on, even though there are limited treatment options available.  He will be starting on a medication this weekend that makes me nervous, but I really want to see him get better.

A few days ago I ran into my CLB’s pastor and his wife at a graduation party, and it kind of threw me.  I didn’t know how to act, what to say, or even how I felt.   I found myself berating myself later for not being “perfect” and pretending all was fine, but then I realize that was the ‘old church game’ that I didn’t need to play anymore. I just said hi, introduced them to my daughter, and then moved on to the party.  I wasn’t mean, or angry… just elusive.  So why do I feel guilty?

I haven’t forgotten about all of you. 

~Heidi

What do you do with people’s expectations and assumptions of you?  Especially when the expectations are unrealistic, and the assumptions false?

What did you do yesterday?  I went to church, and a graduation party.  I spent the rest with my kids.  Here is a peek into my family.

I braided my daughter’s hair, and she braided her sister’s

(assembly line braiding)

My other daughter was in a great mood!

And my son is all about baseball and scouts.

I’ve been tagged. Gasp! (I’m doing the happy dance… someone picked me… someone picked me… oh, I’m so happy… wait… what do I have to do?)

Jeff tagged me.

So, here are the rules for the meme.

1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words.
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person that tagged you.
4. Tag five more blogs.

Ummm… ok. Sure. I can do this (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can)

(writer’s block!)

(bathroom break)

(coffee break)

Hmmmm….. (Hey… Jeff stole mine!)

Unexpected rebel (no… that’s only two words. And I’m not sure I’m a rebel)

The Long Road Towards God’s Heart (that is still a lot like Jeff’s… )

The Eccentric Musings of a Godchaser

I looked it up…and eccentric means:

bizarre: conspicuously or grossly unconventional or unusual; “restaurants of bizarre design–one like a hat, another like a rabbit”; “famed for …

a person with an unusual or odd personality

character: a person of a specified kind (usually with many eccentricities); “a real character”; “a strange character”; “a friendly eccentric”; “the capable type”; “a mental case”

I figure that is close enough. (notice how I cleverly made God Chaser 1 word to fit the rules! Don’t tell)

Ok! I have to tag 5 people! So here they are (sorry if you’ve already been tagged)

1. Kelly
2. Michelle
3. 7catz
4. The NorEaster
5. Tam
6. And the special tagged star of the day, gchyayles!!!! (hahahahaha)

Have Fun!!!

When we are broken by someone or something, how does trust come back into play? When we have been abused, how do we become healed and able to move past that and into a new situation without the remnants of the old holding us or determining our reactions?

Like a person who is beaten regularly and then placed in a new home… do we duck when someone reaches out to give us a hug? Or fight back when we feel like someone is showing the traits of the abusive people from the past?

I have seen children who are so sure they will be abused or abandoned again that they push a new family to the breaking point. Or they push because they need proof that they are accepted, so they ‘test’ their new family to see if it is really true that they are loved no matter what. If the new family fails, they become more sure that they are not worthy of love.

I see adults doing the same. I have one dear friend who loves the Lord, but when she is around other Christians she uses foul language. I know why… she believes that they will reject her, so she gives them a way to do it. And the way she chooses, ensures that she will not be rejected because of “who she is” but rather, “how she acts.” And usually it works like a charm. If it doesn’t work, she starts picking apart their theology, or finding other ways to criticize, until people push her away. I happen to know that this lady has come from a terribly abusive childhood. She is broken, and until the Lord heals the broken places in her, she will continue to force her own rejection.

When we are abused by people who claim to be following Jesus, what is our reaction the next time we walk into a church? And then, if we see some of those same behaviors, should we pretend that it is just all ok? And when it is assumed that we will just “fall into place,” how will we react to that? Is it ok to test the ground in a new church to see if it will hold or if it will crumble?

Can you tell my brain is working overtime today???

Glenn, at re-dreaming the dream has a synchroblog today and I thought I’d give this a try. Here is his idea for May.

Since our stories can have a profound impact upon one another, I thought I would ask you a little about the latest chapter of your story.

So, for the May synchroblog, I am going to keep it simple and real. I hope you will join in. Let’s post May 5^th. Please, remember to link back here. Anybody can join in!

• How are you doing?
• What are you doing?
• What are you learning?
• What are you dreaming about?

Grace & Peace

---

How are you doing?

It depends on which part of my life you mean. I’m doing really well in some areas. I am struggling in others. As a mom, I’m struggling because of some of the difficulties my children are going through. But as a child of God, I’m really learning and growing. I can see areas in my life that I’m finally feeling free in! And, of course, there are areas I know I need to grow up in.

What are you doing?

We are working on becoming a part of a new church. For us, this is a challenge, and is bringing up many emotions that stem from an abusive church we were a part of for years. We have had so many changes in our mindset in the past few years, and we have learned so much. We don’t want to go back into the box. One of our biggest struggles is how to deal with “controlling” people. Yesterday we were ‘controlled’ by a woman at church, and it was a palpable thing. It wasn’t just a difference of opinion… it was manipulation and control and we could taste it! After living under control in a church, we aren’t able to look at it objectively right now. It makes us think twice about whether or not we are too damaged to be a part of a church again right now.

What are you learning?

Wow. A lot! I’m learning that the gospel is simplicity. I’m learning that the Love of God is unconditional. I don’t have to perform to be loved and accepted by Him. I’m also learning that I cannot make life perfect for my children, and that is one really hard lesson!

What are you dreaming about?

A community of believers who love Jesus, and love each other. I am tired of white-washed religion, and I want a place where people are “real.” I don’t care so much anymore what it ‘looks like’.

Blessings!
Heidi

Others who are participating in this synchroblog

Glenn Hager at re-dreaming the dream: Feeling Free

Alan at The Assembling of the Church: You are here

Terra Rose at In The Garden: May Synchro Blog

Mike at Simply a Night Owl: Lost or Found (Depends on your view): May Synchroblog

Sarah at accidental blog: Glenn’s May Synchroblog

Erin at Decompressing Faith: My Turn

Lyn at beyond the four walls: Your Turn: May Synchroblog

Barb at A Former Leader’s Journey: May Synchroblog - One Year Checkup

Kathy at the carnival in my head: it stinks down here, but i really love the smell

Jeromy at A Mending Shift: Our Story - Chapter 10

Jeff at Losing My Religion: Re-Thinking Church: Mile Marker Reflections

Rachel at Just Something I Was Thinking About… : Synchroblog

I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut (which shouldn’t surprise any of you who actually know me). I know that InWorship wanted people actually attempting to speak Texan… but see… that would have just been wrong. So I must explain to these people the errors of their ways.

Here is where you can find these videos.
Mandy… explaining how to properly speak “Southern” and Tam (not quite sure on what she was explaining) on “InWorship”.

And here is Noreaster’s rebuttal to them, on his blog…

And my response to all of them.